Friday, February 6, 2009

Kodiak bears are clearly the best kind of bear



Now, you might be thinking to yourself, "But Danny, you're being unreasonable. Clearly Kodiak bears are a subspecies of Brown Bear, which is listed as an option on the poll. Stop nitpicking." But nitpick I must! Grizzly bears are also brown bears, and they get their own category. If that's true, then why not their larger and obviously more baddass cousins, the Kodiaks? THERE IS NO REASON.

Further, nearly all of the coherent alternatives to voting for the Kodiak bear as the best bear are not available as options (though clearly they are all incorrect choices in light of the obvious superiority of the mighty Kodiak). The first contender is the venerable Spectacled Bear:



The exclusion of this South American rock star from the poll is a blatant travesty. But where at least one might claim ignorance of the Spectacled Bear's existence, the same cannot be maintained with regards to the beloved Panda:



In light of these egregious omissions, and in light of the inclusion of the obviously inferior Black Bear (as well as the wholly unnecessary inclusion of the Brown Bear, whose best subspecies are undoubtedly the Grizzly and Kodiak), I am forced to declare this latest poll a sham. I can only conclude that it was designed to promote the Polar and Grizzly bears, which are the only legitimate contenders on that list, as they would likely fail to garner top votes in a fair poll:

A) Kodiak Bear
B) Spectacled Bear
C) Panda Bear
D) Polar Bear
E) Grizzly Bear

8 comments:

Andy said...

Your face is a sham.

Andy said...

I believe you voted appropriately if you desire a new poll. So, I conclude that your entire post is a long-winded shammy sham.

Andy said...

Braveheart.

Andy said...

DRAGONHEART!

nisse said...

Foul on Danny, you cannot bring the greatness that is Dragon Force into this mess.

Andy said...

Can we perhaps compromise upon "FREEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOM!" ? Too much?

Andy said...

Agreed.

Sarah said...

I love you guys.