GRE Tomorrow! Eep!

Tomorrow I will gain my freedom from the tyrant that is the Graduate Record Examination (record of what?), which has forced me -- a dewy-eyed, innocent young philosopher -- to relearn mathematics! The horror!

But fear not, for as soon as I finish with this exam, I will...uh...crap. There's not really much of anyone to celebrate with, is there. Bollocks.

It has recently (as in just now) come to my attention that I will be having a contest to see who can devise the most entertaining way for me to celebrate my victory over (or defeat at the hands of) the GRE tomorrow. The winner will receive a Certificate of Overwhelming Victory created in MS Paint (unless the winner is Hogan, in which case the certificate will be delivered upon my receipt of my jacket).

Responses beginning with "Get wasted and..." will need to take account of a) my opposition to drinking to excess alone, b) my current lack of a car, and c) my relative aversion to spending money while unemployed. However, responses with this beginning which do manage to account for these three variables will be strongly favored. Good luck, contestants!

And more importantly, good luck me!